If someone tells you being a wife is easy, 1) he or she is a bold-faced liar and 2) run. I married a phenomenal man I am glad to do life with. Full of love, full of expectation and confident that together “we could do it all,” I imagined we’d pursue our dreams with tenacity and ease. Whew, I was naïve. The truth is building a life with your spouse may not look how you envisioned. And when building that life there may be a season (or seasons) when your goals and dreams hit the back burner so your husband can reach for his. This post touches on a few unexpected things I’ve learned when prioritizing my husband’s dreams.
Marrying a man means marrying his dreams.
When the two of you said “I do,” your list of dreams got longer (depending who you married, that list might’ve gotten lengthy). Your husband’s heart beats for dreams you may not fully understand. But what you do know is they are important to him. Buy in. Commit. Commit to helping him reach high and for all he feels called to. Encourage him often. It’s not easy, but when he is fulfilled in his pursuits, it benefits your marriage and your household. His win is your win.
Buy in. Commit. Commit to helping him reach high and for all he feels called to. Encourage him often.
My husband spent the majority of his career in social services. After we had got married, he realized his true passion was coaching volleyball. It was no surprise since he incessantly talked about the sport and the club teams he coached. Did I mention he filled our ENTIRE DVR with games (I kid you not, this year we still had University of Texas volleyball games dating back to 2013)?
When he came to me with his desire to change careers, I willfully got on board. My husband’s dream became mine. I encouraged him to go for it, and I signed up for all the sacrifice that followed. To be real with you, I didn’t enjoy giving up my discretionary spending money or pushing back the launch of my business. But in that season, a few of my priorities had to decrease so his dream could be realized. Now fulfilled and living his dream, the husband I have today is exceedingly better than who he was before.
Pursuing dreams takes effort and a plan.
It takes a communicated and shared plan. So listen. Just because you’re husband and wife doesn’t mean he gets to drag you through every valley and over every mountain whenever he pleases (and vice versa…this goes for you too!). Major decisions and lengthy modifications to daily life require the two of you choosing to do so together.
If my husband had told me he was taking a volunteer collegiate coaching position while we were expecting our first child, without my consent, it could’ve been WWIII in the Behnke household. With all my raging pregnancy hormones, some tables
might would have been turned over.
But we talked through it, saved and prayed before moving forward with his career change. Having a plan made the transition manageable. Yes, his first college coaching position was unpaid. Yes, I was pregnant with our firstborn when we went without his much-needed salary. And yes, by His grace we stayed afloat until he got a paid coaching job eleven months later. In the words of Coldplay, “nobody said it was easy.”
At times, we sprint with one dream while the other(s) sit in the starting blocks.
That may mean managing a heavier burden of the child-rearing load for a while. It may mean he allocates more time to his dream and less to you and the family for a season. It may mean you launch your business at a later date. I say may because each marriage and each season are different.
The way you and your husband run your race may be different than how your friends do it. And this year could look different than years past. For all you know, there could be a time when you two are like Sonya Richards-Ross and Aaron Ross. They are married to one another, insanely talented and at the top of their fields at the same time. And when I say the top of their fields I mean one is an Olympic gold medalist, and the other has won a Super Bowl. It could happen.
The way you and your husband run your race may be different than how your friends do it.
Dreams don’t have to die when they are on hold.
If you aren’t in a season like the Rosses, keep working on what you can. If your husband’s dreams are currently the priority, they won’t always be. There is a season, a time, for everything. Stretch. Get ready. Plan for your success. There will be a time for when you will run your race. There will be a time for when you will pursue your dream(s) full force. They’ll come off the back burner, and you’ll be able to give ’em all you have. It may be next month. It may be next year. Prepare in the meantime so that you can run well.
What dreams are you and your mate currently pursuing? How have you and/or your spouse sacrificed for each other’s dreams? What victories can you celebrate and share with others? Please share in the comments below.